Fallen Promises
by SomewhereOnlyWeKnow9
Summary: After Greg does the unthinkable, Sara leaves Vegas, haunted by memories and broken promises he made to her. She starts over again in a new city, determined to leave Vegas, and Greg, behind. But when a serial killer has her back in Vegas, will she go back to him? And what did he do, anyway?
1. Chapter 1

"I can't do this, Greg."

"Sara, please."

"Did you ever really love me, Greg? Did you ever really want me? Or was I just a way to pass the time?"

"Sara…"

"No, Greg. You can't just look at me with that look in your eyes and except me to forget everything. I _can't_ forget everything. I'm done." I walk out of the apartment and into my car. I start the engine and drive. I have absoulotly no idea where I'm going. Once, Greg and I got in the car and just drove like this. We ended up in San Diego. It was one of the most amazing trips of my life.

_"Greg?"_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "Do you love me?" _

_ "With my whole heart."_

Only he didn't love me, and he never really did. Who had I been kidding? I don't want to cry, but I really can't help it. Stupid tears fall down my face.

_"Why don't you ever cry?"_

_ "Crying is weak. That's what everyone always told me. I stopped crying when I was five years old."_

_ "Sara, crying is something that takes a hell of a lot of courage. I promise if you ever cry in front of me, I'll give you a gold star or something." I kiss him._

_ "Love you, Greg."_

_ "Love you more, Sara."_

Is that why you did it, Greg? So I would realize crying is strong? Because it's not an excuse. Why did you do it, Greg? Because you wanted to prove something? Or because you just wanted to get rid of me and dumping me would be too inconvenient. Yeah, that's probably it. but he said I love you so many times, I was really, truly starting to believe it.

_"Do you love me?" He laughs_.

_"I've told you a million times, and I'll tell you again. I love you, Sara Sidle. I'll always love you. And in this incredibly bizarre world, that's one thing I'll always be able to promise you."_

But what about now? If I came back from wherever I am now, and looked you in the eye, would you really be able to tell me that you loved me? No probably not. I reach the border between Nevada and California. I think about going back.

_"Sara?"_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "Will you ever run away from me?"_

_ "No, I promise."_

I shake the memory from my head and enter California. I'm not breaking a promise. He broke his first.

_"Promise you'll never do anything to hurt me?"_

_ "I promise, Sara."_

But you did, Greg. You did. You also stopped loving me. You broke two promises, and probably a million more. So I'll break one. I continue to drive.

_"Do you ever just get in the car and drive? You know, no clue where your going? It's so weird. Whenever you do, you end up in the place you needed to be at. It's like you have a built in GPS."_

_ "Why don't we get in the car and drive, then?" I smile at him._

_ "I'm driving."_

_ "Of course you are sweetie. I would except nothing less."_

We had ended up in San Diego. He taught me how to surf and scuba dive. It had been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. We could've had so many more. We wanted to have so many more. I look at the engagement ring on my finger.

_"Sara Elizabeth Sidle, I love you more than life itself. I love your smile, I love your laugh, I love the way you look when you get up in the morning, I love the way you kiss me, the way you tease me, the way you make me eat a real dinner not just Pop-Tarts, the way you teach me, the way you look when your angry, I love the way you look at me. I love you. So will you please, please, please be my wife?" Tears fall freely down my face._

_ "I want nothing more, Gregory Sanders." He slie the ring on my finger, stands up, and spins me around in midair. Everyone in the lab claps._

Did you what to marry me? Did you, Greg? I twist the ring and finally, just take it off. I'm tempted to throw it out the window, but instead, I place it in cup holder. I really don't know why, but I do. I look out the window, only to see familiar scenery rolling by. I'm in the San Francisco bay area. So maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. One thing is for sure. I'm done with Vegas.

_"Greg?"_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "Do you ever think of leaving Vegas?" He considers it._

_ "It's crossed my mind, but I've never seriously consider doing it. Why Have you?"_

_ "A few times. Than I realize I'd be leaving you."_

But now I don't have a "you" to leave, so I'm free to go. I roll into San Francisco. I bet I can get a job at SFPD. I park at a cheap looking motel with paint chipping on the sides. I get a room and head up to it, opening my laptop, which luckily was in my car.

_**Griss,**_

_**I'm so sorry I didn't give you or any other CSI's any warning, but I've left Vegas. I'll miss you, Grissom. Your wackiness about bugs, the way you teach people daily. You mentored me, you shaped me into the CSI I am today. I'll always remember that, Griss. **_

_**You need to learn that people can be just as fascinating as bugs. You'll be happier when you do, I can promise you as much. **_

_**I'll miss you, Griss. Maybe I should tell you were I am. But I won't. Don't hate me or Greg. Goodbye.**_

_** Sara Side**_

_** Nicky,**_

_**Oh, god, I'll miss you. Your accent, your kindness, there are a million things I want here with me. I can't say where I am. Sorry, but the last thing I want is you coming after me. It would make all this even harder. My advice to you? Keep your cool. You like to act calm and collected, but sometimes you do lose it. Remember this isn't Greg's fault. No matter what I feel towards him right now, the last thing I want is your anger directed at him.**_

_**I could lie. I could say I'll keep in touch. But I won't. **_

_** Sunshine**_

_** Warrick,**_

_**When I first met you, I really, truly, despised you. Now, your my best friend, my big brother, my protecter. Thank you for that. You always provided me with a laugh, with a smile, whatever I needed. Like I told Nick, I can't tell you where I am. It would make you come after me, and if you did, I would want you to stay. And I need Vegas and everything that reminds me of it out of my system. **_

_**You need to make a move on Cath, Warrick. She won't be there forever. She really likes you, just so you know. Be bold, for me.**_

_**Like I told Nick, don't be angry at me or Greg. Please.**_

_**Goodbye. Forever.**_

_** Sar**_

_** Cat,**_

_**Yes, we never got along. You despised me. However, I always looked up to you. My own mother was never there for me. You were. I appreciated that more than anything, even when we fought. You are a great mother, Catherine. I know, you don't feel like one. You are. Lindsey will do amazing things, I promise. That's because you were there for her. **_

_**I've told everyone I don't want them running after me, ad I'll tell you the same thing. Cath, remember that you are so very strong and powerful. You protect everyone around you, so don't stop protecting Greg even if you feel anger at him. This is my own fault, not his. A piece of advice? Remember that the living are more important than the dead. They'll be waiting for you, but Lindsey won't be forever. **_

_** Sara **_

And I hit send. Goodbye, Las Vegas.


	2. Chapter 2

"Sidle!" I turn around to find myself facing my boss. "Your from Vegas, right?" I nod suspiciously. In my 4 years working as a CSI in San Francisco, my past has never been mentioned. "Well, your going home. A series of murders match the serial you worked. You have 3 weeks." The color drains from my face. Yes, I send the CSI's (excluding Greg) Christmas and birthday presents, but other then that, I've had no contact with them in 4 years.

"Umm…can't you send Johnny?"

"He didn't work the case. You did. Look, go home, change, and get in your car. The LVPD has been informed."

"Did you tell them who was coming?" He gives me a confused glance.

"I just told them I was sending one of my best CSI's. Go! I want you there by the time the sun goes down." I sigh and head out of the lab.

_"Your a terrible packer, Greg."_

_ "What? I am a wonderful packer. I even have a system. So basically, I grab a handful of things in my closet and throw them in!" He demonstrates, and I dig through the items that now are in his suitcase._

_ "See, the problem with your method is you end up throwing in a umbrella," I hold it up to show him, "An ugly Hawaiian shirt that I'm going to throw away, and a toaster. Greg, why do you have a toaster in your closet?" _

_ "Fine, my method needs a little work." I laugh. "I love you._

_ "Love you too."_

No, you don't love me, Greg. God, why can't I get these memories out of my head? I park outside my apartment building and throw pretty much everything in my closet into my suitcase, borrowing his method, even though every item that lands in the suitcase is like a stab to the sheets, a reminder of him. I zip my suitcases up and get into the car. In San Francisco, CSI's get sirens on their cars. I can clear a 9 hour drive to Vegas in 6.

_"Sara, why don't CSI's get sirens?"_

_ "I don't know. We should, we are law enforcement officers."_

_ "I want a siren. Than I can run stop signs." I laugh, and Greg kisses me._

I should rub my siren in his face, then. It's not revenge, but it's all I can do. I pull over the car and pull out my phone, flipping it open. I dial a number I still know by heart.

"Stokes."

"Sidle."

"Sara?"

"That would be me."

"Are you okay? I hear sirens."

"I'm fine. Look, answer me this, is he still a CSI there?" I can't say his name out loud.

"Yes, why?"

"I'm coming back to Vegas." I say, taking an exit marked Reno.

"What? Your the CSI form San Francisco?"

"Yes, that would be me."

"I can't wait to see you. Everybody misses you like crazy."

"Nick, how is he?"

"Sara, do you really want to know?"

"I'm going to find out soon enough, Nick." He takes a deep breath.

"He's engaged.


	3. Chapter 3

"He's what?"

"I'm sorry." I try to breathe, but my throat is closed up. Tears spill down my cheeks, and I hang up without a word. I look at my wrists. The cuts are still there, the scars barely healed. I stopped cutting myself a while ago, but the urge has never been so strong.

_ "Sara, what are these?'" He says, gesturing at my wrists. Small lines litter them, some long, some short._

_ "Umm…"_

_ "Don't you dare lie to me, Sara Sidle."_

_ "When I was a teenager I cut myself, okay?" _

_ "Oh, Sara." He pulls me into my lap and kisses my hair. "Promise you'll never do it again?"_

_ "Promise. "_

Another promise dead. I continue the drive, playing with my engagement ring as I do. I don't know why I still wear it, but I have been since day one in San Francisco. I threaded a silver chain around it and never take it off. I wonder what her ring looks like. I bet she's tall, blonde, big blue eyes. Bubbly personality. Everything I'm not. I turn on the radio only to hear one of his favorite songs. I cry harder as I flip it off. Seeing the big "WELCOME TO FABULOUS LAS VEGAS" sign, I quickly wipe my eyes and reapply my makeup. My hair is longer now, reaching my ribcage. other than that, I'm the same girl who left Las Vegas so long ago, scared, upset and alone. I pull into the station, parking my car. The avalanche of memories is so strong I have to shut my eyes.

_"Sara!" _

_ "Hey, Greg."_

_ "Do you what to have dinner tonight?" I smile._

_ "I would love to."_

Our first date. Oh, god, I wish I could take it back now. I take out my pocketknife and put a smooth, deep slice into my wrist. I grab a napkin and wipe the blood off the blade and the cut. I put a band-aid on so no one suspects the amount of emotional and physical pain I'm in. I straighten my SFPD vest, smooth my white button up, and readouts my dark, crisp jeans. Tucking my engagement ring into my shirt, I walk into the lab.

"Boo!" Nick says as I walk in, and I let out a startled streak, then a grin. I throw my arms around him as he spins me around.

"How long have you been waiting there?" He shrugs.

"Three hours." I wrap my arms around him yet again and kiss his cheek.

"So, where is everybody?"

"I didn't tell them you were coming, but I told them to go to the break room for an "emergency". I figured we could surprise them." I nod and he grabs my hand and pulls me outside the break room. "Okay, just wait until I give you the cue." I nod, and he walks in.

"Nick, what gives man?" A male voice says. Warrick. I grin again.

"Well, we have one of the best CSI's in the world in our lab, so I want you all to be on your best behavior."

"Last time I checked, I was the boss." Another male voice. Grissom. "How do you know who the CSI is anyway?"

"Well, she's kind of world famous…I think you'l all be excited to meet her." He gestures at me behind his back and I walk in. "Ms. Sara Sidle from the San Francisco Police Department!" Jaws drop, and an sea of hugs surround me.

"Sara!"

"Catherine! I missed you!" I say and she squeezes me to the point that I can't breathe. She releases me and I gulp for air.

"Rick!" He holds me tightly.

"Grissom, your not getting out of a hug either." I say, and he awkwardly hugs me. I smile. Some things never change. Grissom quickly falls out of my embrace, and behind him stands Greg. I turn away to face Grissom.

"So, I hear your working a serial that matches the likes of mine?" Grissom nods.

"Yes, it's Greg's case." Everyone glares at him. Only Grissom wouldn't understand the awkwardness of this situation.

"Okay, I'm calling my boss to let him know I'm alive. I'll go check into a motel and come right back."

"Sar, there is no way your staying at a motel. You can stay with me."

"Nicky, you are the best." I kiss his cheek, and out of the corner or my eye, I see Greg flush with rage. Or is it jealousy? Either way, a plan is beginning to formulate. One word. 7 letters. _Revenge_


	4. Chapter 4

I walk to the outside of the lab. Leaning against the cool wall, my shoulders shaking as more heaving sobs make there way out of my body. I feel as much anger as I do sadness, though. I quickly wipe my eyes. I'm so sick and tired of crying. Why isn't he the one upset? I peel the band-aid of my self-inflicted wound, tracing the cut.

"Sara?" I quickly put my wrist back down at the sound of Nick's voice. "Sara, are you okay?" I nod once, avoiding his eyes.

"I needed some air." He looks suspiciously at the hand that was on the cut, noticing the blood on it. I quickly wipe it off.

"Look, it was stupid of Grissom to pair you two together. He's clueless sometimes. Do you want me to talk to him?" I shake my head.

"Thanks, Nick. But this is something I just need to do." I pull my hair back into a ponytail. He stares at my wrist, so I quickly lower my hand. In one smooth gesture, he grabs it.

"Sara? This is fresh." He says, tracing my most recent cut. Before I left Vegas, the scars were smaller, less ugly Now, they litter both arms, all over my body, a few on my legs, some on my stomach, most on my arms and shoulders though. I jerk away. "Sara…don't hurt yourself. Please." His lips quiver. "I really don't want to lose you."

"When your completely alone, after something like that happens, and you see a blade and grab it."

"Sara, but that was done today. I can tell."

"Well, what do you except to me to do? Before, he stopped me from lowering the blade. What are you supposed to do with all that self loathing and no one to stop you?"

"Sara, just promise not to do it again."

"He said the same thing when he saw them. And look what happened. I can't make that promise, Nick." I walk back into the lab.

"Judy, have you seen Greg?"

"In the break room, Sara." I smile at her and walk back to the break room to find Greg sitting at the table, sipping his coffee.

"I'm not here to goof off. Let's get started." He looks up at me.

"The evidence is in the vault. Look, Sara, I missed you. What I did was…" I silence him by walking out towards the evidence vault. He follows me, and grabs a few boxes. While he does, I notice the gleam of his gold engagement ring. I swallow. He got a new one. Of course he did. New girl, new ring. His old one was silver, with the words "_I Will Love You Forever_" etched on the inside. I wonder who she is. I bite my lip. I wish I didn't care, but I do. Because I still love him, as much as I hate to admit it. I may have physically left him, but emotionally, he was long gone. _Who could you stop loving me? _I want to ask. _You promised, Greg! You promised that you would always love me! Does that not matter to you? _I snap back to reality as Greg clears his throat. I take a box and walk out of the closet, Greg behind me. We go to the layout room and set out the evidence. I work in silence, and although Greg tries to talk 3 dozen times, I always find a way to silence him. I don't want to talk to him. I'm going to be doing enough "talking" with Nick, I'm sure. Shift ends, so we pack up and walk back to the vault.

"Sara, please, just talk to me. Please. Let's get something to drink." I turn to face him.

"What do you want to talk about, Greg? The promises you broke? The way I spent the past four years thinking of you? Why you did it? We are far past the point of forgiveness." He looks shocked at my revelation, and I use the opportunity to walk away, only to find Nick waiting at my car.

"Sara."

"I just can't win, can I?" I murmur under my breath.

"Your still staying with me, right?"

"Only if you have beer."

"Let's go." I climb into the drivers seat.

"Same address?" He nods, and I flip on the sirens.

"Whoa, you have a siren?" I nod and we pull into his house. I grab my bags and we walk inside. He grabs a few beer and sits on the couch. I put my head on his shoulder.

"No." He looks at me, confused. "No, I'm not okay."

"I kind of figured. So, what's wrong?"

"Where do I start?"

"Why did you leave Vegas?"

"Greg."

"What did he do?"

"He stopped loving me."

"Sara, that's not true."

"I wish it wasn't, Nick. But it is. So I left. It wasn't smart, but it was better then the alternative."

"What was that?"

"Suicide. I honestly looked at Vegas and knew I couldn't do it. It seems stupid, to consider suicide for a guy, but Greg was more than that to me. He was my other half. I gave him everything I ever had, and he just gave it away."

"Oh, Sar."

"I thought if I left, I would stop loving him. If I cut off contact, it would all go away. It just made it worse. I spent the last 4 years thinking of nothing but him, and I hate myself for it."

"Sara…You shouldn't. Hurting yourself won't help."

"It's habit. I started cutting myself when I was 9. I thought I stopped. I hadn't done it for a few months until I heard he was engaged."

"I shouldn't have told you." I open my beer and take a long swig.

"I would've found out eventually."

"He still loves you."

"I wish."

"I still love you." I look up from my beer in surprise. I meet his dark brown eyes. There's no uncertainty in them. He leans in and kisses me. And my self-hatred worsens as I deepen the kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

_ Hello!_

_Cliffhanger! I'm leaving the end up to the imagination. If I get request for a sequel, I probably won't say no, but for now, the end!_

_ Kathyrene_

"Nick."

"Mmm…"

"Wake up, Nick! We're going to be late!" I nudge his shoulder, and he blinks at me, then smiles.

"Morning, Sar." He kisses me, and I fall onto the bed, letting my body tangle with his bare one.

"Don't you dare start something you can't finish."

"Who says I can't finish?"

"Work. Get up, Nicky!" I throw on my clothes and go to the kitchen, pouring a bowl of cereal for myself. He's not Greg, I think to myself. I don't love him like I love Greg. I don't even know if I love him. I wish I loved him. I'm sick of loving emotionally unavailable men. And Nick says he loves me. Why can't I just love him back? God, I'm a disaster. The man I love doesn't want me, and the man who wants me I don't love. I reach my hand up to my engagement ring. I take it off my neck for the first time in years. I study it. Like on Greg's, inside are the words "_I Will Love You Forever_". I blink back tears and put it in my pocket. I don't want Greg to see it, or Nick for that matter, but I can't let it go. Nick comes in and kisses my head.

"Want some cereal?" I offer.

"I'd rather have a donut."

"How healthy."

"I know." He stuffs the donut in his mouth and I laugh and put my bowl in the sink.

"Let's go." We walk out of the house and I get into the drivers seat, letting the engine hum calm me. We drive to the lab and get out of the car. He grabs my hand, and as awful as it is, I wish it was Greg. We walk into the empty break room and he pulls me into his lap, kissing me. A cough breaks us apart. Greg stands, watching us. Why do I feel like I've been caught doing something wrong? Why do I feel the need to explain my actions to him? He's no longer part of my life. I can make out with Nick if I want to. Still, seeing him standing there fills me with an anger at myself that I've never truly felt before. I run out of the room.

"Excuse me." I push Greg out of the way and walk towards the alley behind the building. Before I can stop myself, I've pulled out my pocketknife and sliced my skin. Cherry droplets fall out. How can something that gives you life flow so easily? Another cut, more blood. Another. It barely hurts anymore.

"SARA!" Greg comes running into the alley. He sees the glint of the knife and the sea of blood and immediately knows what I'm doing. He grabs the knife from my hand, slicing himself. He throws it and ignores the blood now pouring from his own hand. "What the hell do you think your doing?" He waves his hands around in frustration, anger, fear.

"You don't have a say anymore, Greg."

"I do if your hurting yourself."

"No, Greg. You forfeited every right when you said you wanted me out of your life! You just don't get it, do you?"

"I do get that it was the biggest mistake of my life to let you go."

"That's not enough! You promised you would always love me. How could you stop after all the times you said forever?" I pull my ring out of my pocket. "Look!" I show him the engraving.

"You kept your ring?" His voice is lower.

"You are so clueless! Yes, I kept the ring, because I'm so fucking in love with you! And that makes me furious! I don't want to love you after what you did to me Greg. I gave you my everything, you tore it to shreds!" I let tears fall down my face. I know I'm a mess, my clothes are now bloodstained, my face wet, but I can't seem to care.

"I thought it was best for you, Sara."

"You thought it was best for me? Well, look where I am now. You destroyed me, piece by piece. You told me to get out of your life, so I did. And look now!" I show him the many scars that litter my arms. "Why did you think it was best for me?"

"I thought you didn't love me. I thought you needed someone better."

"Better than you?"

"Well, your the one making out with Nick, so obviously you found someone."

"Nick? Greg, I'm only with Nick because he's the only person in four years to give a damn about me! And after all, aren't you the one who's engaged?" He sighs.

"Look, Sara, I can pretend all I want, but she will never be you. Your all I think about! I don't know why I told you I wanted you gone, but I don't. I never did. I just wanted the best for you. I'm really, truly, in love with you, Sara, and that has never stopped. I promised you a lot of things, I broke a lot of promises. Just give me one last chance." I look him straight in the eye. My body, my heart, my head, all of them are screaming yes. But for whatever reason, my mouth says,

"No." And I walk away, get into my car, and once again, drive away, ready to start fresh in a new city. In the back of my mind, I know I can't avoid Vegas forever. But I also can't stop running.


End file.
